| I dont know why, but tonight i'm really thinking about how CLOSE everything is. and i dont mean that kind of near to you deal, i mean right in my FACE.
I cant get it out of my mind how in the next couple months, I will wrap up everything i have ever known, put it in a bag, and drive it 1000 miles away. And i know, right now i know, that when i try to unpack it, i'll realize that its not the same, and that its lost forever. Everything i've seen as so important all of a sudden i'm gonna wonder why i even bothered to remember it happened in the first place. Everything i've learned how to run my life, im going to have to change, because I'll no longer have two old people living across and two doors down the hall to tell me if I should do this tonight, or remind me to stop here before work. I won't have a place to sleep without paying for it. Nothing I use will be "my families", because I'll have to get it for myself because itll still be right where i left it...a thousand miles away, sitting a room away from everything ive ever known, in the middle of every place ive ever been, one THOUSAND miles away.
And, at the same time as that, ill be deciding who, with who, what, when, where, and why, to live and to be for the rest of my life.
I have dreamed and hoped for that day, and that day is so close that next time i check, it will seriously be tomorrow. The day when I put the keys into my 5-speed, put on the gas, pull off the clutch, and speed away from ohio to go and be on my own. But now, I'm viewing the reality that, even though i have the 5-speed and the keys, and I have a room booked to be on my own at, that 5-speed might not carry me all the way there, or it might carry me too far. I have no hold on my future. All I can do is pray that God sends me to a place where I'll be able to deal with everything coming ahead at me. I can't believe that i waited 17 years to just get out of what i have, and now when im literally have the oppurtunity so close to me, I really just want to stay with what i know, with what im comfortable.
So class of 2006, heads up because....IT...IS...HERE...NOW. We have no more time to waste, no more time for the petty things we all feel is so important. If we don't look to the future now, it'll be the past and we'll barely even know.
One year from now, Dec. 2nd, 2006. Everything will have already been turned upside down. It is that close. |
